December 31, 2004 at 5:16 pm (Religion) ()

**Lotsa other things, too, but I don’t want to talk too much about that until I am sure of what she has been hinting to me, and me to her. Neither of us has said Wicca yet, but we have a lot of the same beliefs in a lot of things, and I think she may be a Wiccan. Could be wishful thinking on my part, but I would like to find someone else to talk about it with now that I don’t have anyone. it would be nice to have a companion in it again.**

Ya just gotta love those friends who notice enough to guess on something and get it right. If you’re smart enough you’ll read this and understand something about me you may not have known about before. I know I’m kinda evading the subject here, but like I said I’m never sure on anything so I’m sorry.

***Sarah, I hope you know what this means. Actually, I don’t expect you to because I really don’t even know what it means. So yeah, I would really love to talk to you about it sometime so call me, okay? If you don’t wanna cal or nobody picks up, e-mail me:


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Hmmm. . .

December 24, 2004 at 1:33 pm (Life) ()

Well, I know that this is a slow beginning, but I sincerely hope that this blog can help. Maybe I’m going to all the wrong places for the answers that I want, but self-expression is really good for me and I believe the best way to learn stuff is through your own reasoning.

I could be wrong and maybe I’m just making this up to brain-wash myself into believing it, but that is not something I want to do. If I realize that that is all that is happening then I will stop and find a better way to search for what I want. I just think that maybe you guys could help me in finding the meaning in life.

There is one person that I truly admire, and I don’t think that they know I do. I mean, she is decisive, knows exactly what she wants, and has a pretty good plan of how to get there. I really wish I could be more like her. Every time I catch myself thinking that way I stop myself. Yes, this person is WAY beyond awesome, but I am not a groupie, and do not want to become somebody’s clone. I really just want to be more in control of my life.

Sometimes it is better to sit back and relax and let the good times roll, BUT– What about happiness??? I know you can’t be truly happy sitting back watching everyone else live. Trust me I’ve tried it and it doesn’t work. I thought if I didn’t set myself up to be hurt or to be disappointed nothing could upset me. Well, I was wrong. Instead of a happy-go-lucky life, I found a boredom deeper than eternity itself. Living is just that. Letting yourself make mistakes and learning how to cope.

Well, I pretty much can handle the whole “learn form your mistakes thing”, it’s the coping I have trouble with. I can never figure out a way to take my mind off something. When I’m hooked on something, I’m hooked. And then the excitement starts to wear off, and it feels like I’m burning out. I throw what I had an interest in behind me, and I find something else to obsess over. On and on it goes, a vicious cycle, leaving me nothing, but questions, confusion, and doubt.

It’s after I’m done with all that where the coping problem comes in. I don’t know how to move on, and what I should do to help me keep my mind off my problems. It distracts me to where I’m not doing good anywhere or doing anything. I guess that’s the root of my problems. Perhaps, what I need is a “good” self-help book that millions of ignorant American Idiots buy every year thinking someone can solve their problems for them. Well, sorry America. . . Only YOU can solve your own problems.

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