It’s Just Like a Dream…

January 3, 2010 at 3:42 pm (Fear, Life, Love)

You might be wondering how things are going for me…

Well, still confused as hell and torn between two amazing choices.

I think I’m just scared that by making any kind of choice that I might make the wrong one… and I don’t want to regret a single thing. But. What kind of a life would it be if I never made any mistakes? Kind of boring.

So. Maybe once school starts my head will clear up a bit and I’ll be able to really think these things through and make a decision.

Still need some time to realize that, no matter what, *someone* is going to be hurt. I hate hurting people… Would rather torture myself than see or put someone else through any kind of pain, especially emotional pain.

Anyway, I’ll try to keep ya posted…


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April 26, 2009 at 12:03 am (Fear, Life, Love)

I have been so worried about where the relationship is going, and I need so much reassuremnt. And even though I get it every time I ask for it, I still can’t help but be so very frightened. And I honestly can’t put my finger on any reason why I should feel this way.

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Thanksgiving ’08

November 27, 2008 at 11:24 pm (Family, Fear, Life, School)

So… it has been a very unproductive Thanksgiving break. I should be working, or should have started working, on an 8-10 page paper that is due next week. I, however, have not. But of course… I am a procrastinator, have been for a really long time.

At the Parental Units’ house right now. Have been since about 1:30 Wednesday. But I am going back to Corey’s dad’s tomorrow. Dunno when yet. I mean, I love my fam to death, I do. But I still wanna spend time with Corey before we go back to school where he will be busy for the next two weeks, and where I will have relatively little to do after Wednesday of this coming week. Not to mention, I will be back in two weeks for Christmas break, which is a whole month. So I will be sure to see them more often than I did this last summer.

Not too much new really. Still trying to figure out where I am right now, after some trouble I had about two weeks ago. I guess I feel like I am still a child, like i haven’t grown a bit since high school. And that scares me, because I want to grow up and be mature. Not only that, but I feel like one day I will lose Corey and it will be because I am not grown-up enough for him, that I won’t be good enough.

But other than that whole mess that I have become and this dang nervousness I always get when I stall writing a paper…. well, things are good. Not necessarily great, but not bad either.

Hope you all have a good Thanksgiving and break.

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Today, today

November 12, 2008 at 9:01 pm (Fear, Life, Love)

Today has

been way

too much

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Far-Fetched Desire?

November 3, 2008 at 10:37 am (Fear, Love)

Not having a very good day to start off with… Well, I guess it started last night.

Me and Corey had a talk. Nothing too life ruining, but it just made me worry a lot. And I guess what gets to me is that COrey didn’t tell me  not to worry. And so then I had a dream that has completely opened up the floodgates to the hysterics I am now having.

And so, I want to talk to him some more today, but I want him to know how I feel about us, it, our relationship, everything. And then when I’m done,  I want him to tell me to calm down, that everything is okay, that we are fine and the only people whose opinions matter are me and him.

That’s what I want.

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Some Secrets weren’t Meant to be Told

September 16, 2008 at 7:08 pm (Fear, Life, Love)

So, me and Corey have been together for a little over 2 years now, but about a year and a half ago, he did something that hurt me terribly. And while I have forgiven him and have left the girl who was involved behind, sometimes I still hate him for doing what he did. And I just want him to know that what he did has only made me more jealous than I used to be. Before I found out about what they did I was learning to get over my jealousy, put it behind me. But now it is always on my mind. I am afraid he will leave me for one of his close friends that is a girl (no one in particular) some day. And it is really silly because we talk about having our future together all the time, so I know he loves me and is in it for the long haul…. but I still am mad and worried. But I could never tell him this, cuz he would only get mad and he would probably just leave me to cry on my own. He’s still working on that comforting thing….

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