See now…

November 16, 2008 at 1:32 pm (Love)

Things have

turned around.

So glad,

he loves

me still.


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Today, today

November 12, 2008 at 9:01 pm (Fear, Life, Love)

Today has

been way

too much

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Far-Fetched Desire?

November 3, 2008 at 10:37 am (Fear, Love)

Not having a very good day to start off with… Well, I guess it started last night.

Me and Corey had a talk. Nothing too life ruining, but it just made me worry a lot. And I guess what gets to me is that COrey didn’t tell me  not to worry. And so then I had a dream that has completely opened up the floodgates to the hysterics I am now having.

And so, I want to talk to him some more today, but I want him to know how I feel about us, it, our relationship, everything. And then when I’m done,  I want him to tell me to calm down, that everything is okay, that we are fine and the only people whose opinions matter are me and him.

That’s what I want.

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Drop In Post

October 29, 2008 at 8:42 pm (Life, School)

So, I’m sitting in the library on the fourth floor. I don’t have a table to put this laptop on, so it’s actually on my lap. How convenient of it to fit its name for once. Actually, it’s not convenient at all. My butt is hurting and I wish I could sit a different way to accomadate my butt. But alas, I cannot.

I don’t have too much to say really, but we all know how that can blossom into a beautiful, raving blog entry. : ] I really just decided to write in order to procrastinate doing my reader’s response for English. Not to mention I still have to get to page 40 in Life of Pi in order to actually finish it anyway. So here I sit, while Corey is working downstairs in the computer lab. Don’t get me wrong, I love the library and all, but it seems like this is the only way I can get myself here to actually get work done; if I go with Corey while he works. It gives me a straight time line in which to get things done, in a way in minimizing the amount of procrastination. I know I only have two hours here, so only a third of my time is spent procrastinating, instead of the whole two hours it would be if I were back in my room.

I actually really love my room. If you haven’t seen it, there are pics on facebook. It just seems like I always get more done in places other than my room. Probably because I know exactly how to distract my self there, without having to think about it.

College isn’t so bad. Just took me a couple of months to get really used to it. And now there are only 4 1/2 weeks left of this semester. It amazes me how quickly time goes here. A lot faster than last year of course. But I am not sure if that is because it was Senior year last year, or if it is simply the fact that it was high school. I do miss my teachers though. It takes me a long while to warm up enough to a teacher to have actual conversation with them and all. And now since I only have semester long classes, I feel as though I won’t get the chance to really enjoy my teachers like I did last year.

I know this blog is just an overview kind of thing. But it’s been a while, and I probably should get back into blogging at least every other day or so. It’s just been so long since I actually have done that, so I won’t make any promises. Because it’s hard to get back to something once you quit. Unless it’s riding a bicycle.

I wonder if I should try a new approach to the blogging thing again. A while back, over on eBloggy, I was doing this thing where I just made a blog of five points every day. They were numbered and it was usually a rant or whatever, and I think that worked for me. So perhaps, now, I shall try a new method that will encourage me to get back to blogging.

I have no idea what it will be yet. But I will be thinking before the next post. Because I have decided that my next post will be in this new format. And you’ll have to wait and be surprised.

Excited yet?

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Birthday #19

October 20, 2008 at 8:14 pm (Birthday, Life, Love)

Well, it definitely wasn’t what I had planned. But I love Corey so much for taking me out and trying his damn best to make it a day full of what I wanted. And really, it wasn’t so terrible. I just didn’t get done what I wanted to get done…

We went to Graphic Flesh to try and get my belly button pierced, but the girl who does that doesn’t work on Mondays. So that was strike one. But then, on the way to dinner Corey gave me my gift, which was actually very me and so clever of him to give to me then, when he knew I was feeling bummed. Oh, by the way, the gift was Stephenie Meyer’s New Moon en español. So, we went to dinner at this place called Jade Garden, it was Chinese buffet. Anyway, it was alright, but they had the crappy version of crab ran goon and really their food was not very good. So when Corey paid, we found out that the place was way pricey for the quality of food they served. So, and I am not saying it’s Corey’s fault, I was mad that he had to pay so much for my b-day dinner and I really didn’t even enjoy it very much. So strike two. And strike three, well I won’t go into detail, but it was something I verily wanted and simply put, it just wasn’t that good either. So strike three.

But I love Corey to pieces because he tried very hard and he also got me a gift that I really do love. Plus, tonight is One Tree Hill night and Corey is letting me stay the night at his place tonight. So hopefully in the end, I will look back and be happy even if it wasn’t exactly how I pictured it.

But then again, when is life ever the exact way we want it to be??

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Busy Bees

October 9, 2008 at 11:38 pm (Birthday, Family, Life, School)

So who knew that college would be so detrimental to the plan of regularly blogging? Well, my schedule anyway. Last time I blogged I was still having a hard time adjusting and such, especially the part about not being with Corey every day. But ya know, it’s kind of nice not having to live with him all the time. Of course I miss it, but the time away is good too.

So anyway, I am going to Centennial tomorrow for Homecoming. Mostly because I do want to spend time with my family, and also because I know I will see Wifey and Paul and a bunch of other peoples I haven’t seen in a while. Plus, I think it will be nice to see Shelato. Hopefully they win, cuz the last Varsity game I went to was not so hot. And I will hear the Cadence and the fight song, and (unfortunately) the new marching music, which reminds me of the pork commercials and Christmas all in one.

I actually have to come back here sometime during the day Saturday though, seenig as I have to work from 5-8. But after that Corey is coming to get me and I will spend the night there. Anyway, that is the plan for now.

For those of you who don’t know, my birthday is rapidly approaching. It is on the 20th of this month, and I am uber excited. I plan on getting my belly button pierced the day of, and the Saturday and Sunday beofre it (the 18th and 19th) I will be home again, but that’s so my family can see me, plus my cousin is having a candlde party… I know, sounds weird, but we’ll see. Plus some of my old co-workers will be there, and I am excited to see them, too.

Well, I suppose that’s all for now. of course, I have to say how much I love the, well, limited drama. Not that there hasn’t been ANY. But, so much less. SO so soooo much less.   : ]

Good night to all, and have a wonderful weekend. GO CHARGERS!!

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Some Secrets weren’t Meant to be Told

September 16, 2008 at 7:08 pm (Fear, Life, Love)

So, me and Corey have been together for a little over 2 years now, but about a year and a half ago, he did something that hurt me terribly. And while I have forgiven him and have left the girl who was involved behind, sometimes I still hate him for doing what he did. And I just want him to know that what he did has only made me more jealous than I used to be. Before I found out about what they did I was learning to get over my jealousy, put it behind me. But now it is always on my mind. I am afraid he will leave me for one of his close friends that is a girl (no one in particular) some day. And it is really silly because we talk about having our future together all the time, so I know he loves me and is in it for the long haul…. but I still am mad and worried. But I could never tell him this, cuz he would only get mad and he would probably just leave me to cry on my own. He’s still working on that comforting thing….

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Another Day, Another Post

September 2, 2008 at 5:50 pm (Uncategorized)

So, college. Well, my classes are still a little on the boring side. Except for English 100. We’re reading Geek Love. It’s actually quite interesting, considering it’s near the One Hundred Years genre. But not nearly as weird or boggling.

Went home this past weekend. Didn’t really get too much done. Home work wise anyway. But that is what tonight is for. Haha. Yeah, I have a bit of reading to do, but my main priorities for HW tonight is Eng. 100 (Geek Love) and Com. 110, considering that is due tomorrow; and Psych, well I pretty much have learned what we are talking about already (last year in Walters’), so maybe I’ll read, but prolly not.

Then I may go to Corey’s, depending on when he gets back. If it is like 7:30 though, prolly not. If it’s before 7, then prolly yes. If I don’t, I am planning on working on laundry, reading more of Geek Love, and more than likely Ever-Questing it up.  : ]

Hopefully everyone had a good Labor Day weekend. I did for the most part, BUT the one thing I am very upet about is not getting to see Wifey. But we are going back this weekend too, so maybe I can see her Sunday sometime; assuming her mother will allow it.

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Lover’s Woe

August 31, 2008 at 10:49 pm (Life, Love)

People I love and miss to death. ❤

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Just breathe

August 20, 2008 at 9:43 am (Life)

I don’t know why, but I am kinda freaking out right now. I feel like I’m having some kind of anxiety attack or something… it’s weird. I don’t really know why I feel like this. It’s not like I have an overwhelming amount of homework just yet.

I can’t explain this. And now I am just repeating myself. What I really need to do is just find a stupid bag for my Com 110 homework. I have my three items, but no bag to put them in that would represent me…

Felt the need to write, and now I really have nothing to say. Dunno. Just feels really weird, not having that group of friends that I had last year. I mean, yeah Corey is here, but it’s not like we have a lot of time where we can just sit and talk. That’s what I really want. Just to have one of our long, serious, amazing conversations.

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First Day of College Classes

August 18, 2008 at 12:23 pm (Life, School)

Well, okay. My first class doesn’t start until one… So I am kinda just chillin here, seeing as I don’t need to leave until about 20 till. But yeah. I’m pretty excited.

Today I have Psych, Com 110, and then Eng 102. Hopefully it won’t be too boring. I am guessing that we’ll get out early, as it’s just the first day.

*sigh* I am slightly bored right now, but oh well. Did I tell all of you that me and Corey have Psych together? Pretty sweet if you ask me, and I have Eng 102 with Julia tonight. So it should at least not be completely lonely for those two classes.

So, I’ll keep everyone updated on all my exciting college experiences. : ]

Hope everyone’s summer is coming to a satisfying close, and good luck to those of you who are starting school already.

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catch up time

September 25, 2006 at 1:33 pm (Uncategorized)

Well well well. I could write about my whole weekend. But that might take awhile. How bout this, I’ll give you a little summary.

Friday night I hung out with Corey at his place. We watched a little bit of Angel, among doing other things. Then Saturday was the Marching Competition in Danville. We got 4th place out of 6 bands, which isn’t too good, but the way I see it, that just means that we have a lot of room to improve before Oblong. OMG, I Love Oblong. I can’t wait till that weekend gets here. *ahem* *puts bando love aside* So yeah. When we got back to town I called my parents, but they were still in Bement, helping with my cousin Rachael’s new house. Long story made short, Corey had to come to pick me up from the school. Then I ended up going over to his house again. I kinda fell alseep on his couch (oops :D), but yeah… Marching is tiring. Then Sunday morning I went to church >.< for like the first time in 5 months or so. It wasn’t too painful though. Then I got to go to my cousin’s house and help too! How marveously fun. (NOT!)

Anyway. It was a good weekend for the most part. So yeah. My locker is really empty. It’s the first time in about 2 years or so that I haven’t shared with anybody, so it seems really big.

*sigh* It’s weird not to be able to tell someone about all the little House things that pop into mind. I know I’ve done wrong. And I know all she wants is for me to make it up to her, but I honestly have no idea how to do that. I suppose that’s my big fault. I’m terrible at saying sorry and making it up to people who I’ve screwed over. But a little bit of me was tired of trying to please her all the damn time. And lately, that’s all it seemed that I was doing when I was around her. But I don’t know…. Maybe all the problems were me. Whatever it is, either we’ll “get over ourselves”, or we’ll just stop talking to eachother. I honestly don’t know which of the two is more likely as of this moment. And I don’t know when I’ll figure that out.

Other than all that, I have been pretty good. I spose catch up time is done now. I hear the laundry calling my name… *moans*

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penny for my thoughts

September 21, 2006 at 1:29 pm (Uncategorized)

She should drop me like a third peroid French class. Okay, yeah. I’m not gonna argue with that, cuz it’s pretty much true. But why hasn’t she? Obviously because I’m worth trying to be friends with or something along those lines. Or maybe she feels like it’s her obligation to do so. I don’t know really.

And I know I may sound stupid or condescening or bitchy right now, but honestly, what does she have to be so negative about? Sarah has had one of the easiest lives of anybody I know. Including myself. Oh sure, maybe I’m a little more talkative, more able to talk to people, but I don’t think that’s what makes one’s life good or bad. I can honestly say that I believe I have been through more life-changing events than she has. I know that sounds very, well… not nice. I can’t think of the word I’m looking for, but that’ll have to do.

I just want to know WHAT in this world has made her so negative and so hateful at times?? I know I’m no where near perfect, but I think she could have a little more faith in herself and a little more of a positive outlook. I just think that she complains when there is not very much to complain about in her life – compared to others’ lives that is. And I know I haven’t been the best friend I can be, and she has been MUCH too forgiving of me. But see, I don’t really think she has ever truly forgiven me for anything. I don’t know. I still think she has a pretty damn nice life, and I think it’s ridiculous how unhappy she is sometimes.

But theses are my opinions. Sarah does not need to agree with me, and neither do you. I’m just typing out what I have been thinking for the past week or so. And while some may get mad a tme for not TALKING to them about this, well I’m sorry. Being open about this kinda stuff is not my forte. That’s something I’m working on. That along with being less jealous, more trusting, hard-working, honest with myself, etc. etc. I’m a work in the making. And maybe Sarah is too. Maybe that’s why she is so angry. Maybe she wants to change, but isn’t sure how. Or maybe I’m making all this up to sound thoughtful or smart or something. Who the hell knows. Certainly not me.

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damn ovaries

September 20, 2006 at 6:53 pm (Uncategorized)

i REALLY hate being a girl. REALLY REALLY REALLY !!! this ibuprofen needs to kick in damn it. *sigh* other than this shit, my day has been pretty good. turns out i have an exact 100% in Trig. so that’s good. much better than last year. *laughs* don’t worry hun, my grades will stay up. i promise.

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greatest lyrics ever…

September 19, 2006 at 4:50 pm (Uncategorized)

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated
I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I’ll be your cryin’ shoulder
And I’ll be your love suicide
And I’ll be better when I’m older
And I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

<333 I Love You Corey <333

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this sucks

September 18, 2006 at 6:23 pm (Uncategorized)

Why do we have to suffer so much? Oh well. I suppose it’s not all that bad. Not when you get free chocolate all day anyway. 😀 thank you Corey and mommy!!!

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Just sitting here,

September 16, 2006 at 10:11 am (Uncategorized)

being pretty bored actually. There was a home football game last night. We won (now making us 4-0), but I don’t remember what the score was anymore. Then after the game, my mommy, Shain, Corey, and I all went to Taco Bell. Which was really good. After that we went to my cousin Brandi’s house and played a game. It was fun.

So yeah. Today we’re having a cook-out. Should be fun and all. And tomorrow I’m planning on going over to Sarah’s house to catch up on the House I missed (tear) and maybe watch a movie or two. Yup. Should be a good weekend.

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pretty good

September 14, 2006 at 7:30 pm (Uncategorized)

Today was a really good day. I don’t think I’ve quite been able to say that with much conviction lately. But tahday was great. Well, most of it.

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September 12, 2006 at 7:34 pm (Uncategorized)

I know some of you read that last blog, and prolly got a little pissed at me. And honestly, I wouldn’t blame you. I know I haven’t been the greatest person to be around lately. I guess I’m still figuring out the whole balancing my whole life out thing. So I just wanted to apologize for over-reacting. Because, ya know, it was fun. I guess I was just too stressed to see it. And I was kinda looking forward to having me and Corey time. But ya know… there’ll be other times for me and Corey time I spose.

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wasn’t it just lovely

September 12, 2006 at 4:53 pm (Uncategorized)

Well… Lunch date didn’t go exactly as planned. Corey and I decided to go to Four Seasons (yummy x 10). So we get there, get our drinks, yada yada, and then when I come back to the table other people happen to be sitting there. Okay okay… they have names.

Sarah, Logan, Nate, and AJ all came together. And ya know, it wouldn’t have been so bad. I honestly really wouldn’t have cared. What pissed me off about them coming was:

1) They didn’t ya know, ask ahead of time. It would have been nice to have a big ass lunch planned with the all of them. But when I told them, none of them seemed to want to come. Or at least didn’t ask if they could.

2) It was kind of retarded for them to all try and sit with us in the ONE booth. I mean, it’s not like any one in that group is fat, actually, no one is, but it was obvious that there wasn’t enough room for everyone. But eventually Nate moved over to another table. So yay for him knowing what personal space is (only kidding).

3) This is the kicker. The reason I was well… angry for the most part. See, SOME people were a little less than polite. And yeah, that’s putting it nicely. But I’m too tired to argue about it, if I put it in more honest (and hurtful) terms.

Yup. Any who… I guess it could have been worse. SO yeah. After lunch, Corey drove me home (cuz he had to work : / ). I got done with my homework, which was extremely easy by the way, and then took a lovely 3 1/2 hour nap. It was nice. Except for waking up and remembering why I was ticked off, and finding that I was still pretty ticked about it.

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